Calmness Is a Skill, Not a Personality Trait

One of the most common things I hear from dog owners is:

"My dog just isn't a calm dog."

Usually, this is followed by a description of a dog who is enthusiastic, excitable, energetic, vocal, or constantly on the move, at best. In worse examples, the dog is impulsive, runs away when approached, hypervigilant and hyperreactive to any slight change in the environment.

Many people assume that calmness is something dogs are either born with or without. Temperament is often raised as a breeding issue or a genetic make-up that is unchangeable because the dog calmness has already been imprinted and determined by nature.

At Pretty Happy Dogs, we see things differently.

We believe calmness is a skill.

And like any skill, it can be developed.

Calmness Is Not The Absence of Energy

When people imagine a calm dog, they often picture a dog lying quietly on the ground, barely moving. If I pried into the supposed age of the imagined dog, I wouldn’t be surprised if they told me the dog was older, tired or had mobility issues. That calm dog could not be an energetic young dog full of life and excitement.

But calmness is not the absence of energy.

Some of the calmest dogs I have ever met were also adventurous, playful, enthusiastic, and full of life. Some had jobs working on farms, others guarded the house and a few are high level athletes at national championships for agility, heelwork and scent work.

In a similar vein, some dogs who appear quiet on the outset are actually experiencing significant stress on the inside. Those are dogs that could potentially bite or run away. The external stillness can sometimes camouflage an internal volcano waiting for an opportunity to erupt.

Calmness is not about being still.

Calmness is about being able to regulate emotions and recover from excitement, frustration, uncertainty, and stress - moving from high states of arousal back into a state where the dog can think, observe, learn, and make good decisions.

A calm dog is not a dog who never becomes excited.

A calm dog is a dog who knows how to return from excitement.

Recovery Is Where The Magic Happens

Recently, I worked with a young labradoodle puppy named Kayda.

At just eleven weeks old, Kayda could bark continuously for long periods when she became frustrated, overwhelmed, or excited by the world around her. Her barking could persist for up to an hour at a time.

Many owners would understandably focus on getting a trainer in to stop the barking.

But the barking wasn't really the skill we were interested in. Barking is a form of communication as well as a coping mechanism in dogs. Considering her age, we were more interested in helping Kayda learning how to recover and switch from the emotional state that underlie the barking to an emotional state that allows her to be herself.

Little Kayda did not need to learn to stop barking. She needed to learn to be a puppy – to be Kayda - inquisitive, positive, developing connections with her humans, trusting her humans.

And occasionally be a teeny tiny bit cheeky!

Three weeks later, Kayda still gives the occasional bark.

The difference is what happens next.

Instead of remaining stuck in a cycle of escalating arousal, she is increasingly able to recover. She might give a bark, then choose to sniff the ground, observe what is happening around her, listen to her owners, or simply pause and think.

That recovery is not accidental.

It is a skill – and one of the most important life skills a dog can learn.

Calmness Creates Learning

When dogs become highly aroused, their ability to process information changes.

You have probably experienced this yourself: You’ve just come home from a whole day of dealing with and managing tricky or challenging situations and people at work. Your teenager in his smelly footy kit walked in and casually asked if you picked up some milk on the way home, but instead of simply saying that you were tired and had completely forgotten, you launched into a verbal attack on how you are always expected to do everything for everyone around the house everyday.

Eh...

It was just a question about getting milk!

How easy was it to think clearly?

How easy was it to absorb new information?

Dogs are no different.

When arousal becomes too high and too long lasting, learning becomes difficult.

Owners can sometimes feel as though their dog has suddenly forgotten everything they know.

In reality, the dog's brain is simply struggling to access those skills in that moment – just like how you were asked if you got milk on the way home from work.

Calmness creates the conditions that allow learning to occur – it's like walking for a couple of blocks to decompress after the drive or bus journey home.

This is why we place such a strong emphasis on emotional regulation at Pretty Happy Dogs.

A regulated dog is a dog capable of learning.

Steady Is Not The Same As Quiet

One of the dogs who shaped much of my understanding of calmness was Rowan.

Rowan was not born calm because he lacked energy.

He loved adventures, mountain walks, exploring new places, and being involved in everything life had to offer.

What made Rowan special was his steadiness.

Rowan could experience excitement without being consumed by it. He could engage with everything in his immediate space while remaining 100% connected to the people around him, whether it was us or his dog walker at the popular woods near our house, or our elderly relatives taking him on two buses through Edinburgh city for a weekend lunch outing when he was three years old.

That steadiness allowed him to make thoughtful decisions about everything he perceived. It allowed him to recover should anything caught him off guard.

And that ability to recover is something every dog can and should develop.

Building Calmness In Everyday Life

The good news is that calmness is not taught during a single grueling and arduous training session. Instead, it is built by micro experiences that integrates smoothly and effortlessly into our lifestyle - hundreds of small experiences with everyone, every day.

Every time a puppy notices something exciting and chooses to check back in with their owner.

Every time a dog pauses to observe rather than immediately react. Every time a dog experiences something new and learns that they are safe. Every time a dog discovers that excitement is not the only option available to them. These moments may seem small and insignificant to a dog’s development, but they accumulate and over time they create dogs who are more resilient, thoughtful, and capable of navigating the world with confidence.

The Pretty Happy Dogs Approach

At Pretty Happy Dogs, we are not trying to create perfectly behaved dogs but we do want to help dogs develop the emotional skills they need to thrive in everyday life. We want to help dogs enjoy adventures, meet new people, explore new environments, and experience all the richness that life has to offer without ever feeling the overwhelmed.

If they do feel overwhelmed, we would also want to help them to learn to pause - to think, recover and make an emotionally regulated choice.

Because calmness is not something dogs either have or don't have - it is something they learn.

Some dogs may be born ready, some dogs may be born steady, but most dogs spend their lives learning to become a little more of both.

And that journey is at the heart of what we do at Pretty Happy Dogs.